But frankly, I'm just too happy a guy these days. I have nothing to rant about. Ok...maybe I have a couple things....I'l give it a shot...
Someone give me a topic...
Pick-up Basketball? Ok. Fine.
Hey you, the mediocre player, who always covers the 60 year old with bi-focal rec-specs...yeah you...STOP telling me to play better defense. If you going to make me cover the ex-college athlete the least you could do is get off my back when he lights us up. Why is he always open?? Why is he always open? Its because HE'S FASTER THAN ME. I'm a broken down 36 year old half-Indian who played on my freshman tennis team. And unlike your guy, my guy never wanders off because he's forgotten where he is.
Hey you, the guy who prides himself on being "such a great rebounder", why don't you try to set me a pick or something? We're not counting by rebounds. Eventually someone is going to have to actually score, or we're going to play for eternity.
Hey you...yeah you, pull your pants up. You are at the NCRB playing with middle age non-athletes...you don't need to represent.
Hey you, stop slapping me. Yes, the hand is part of the ball, but that was my elbow. No, we're not going to "shoot for it" And cut your fingernails you're drawing blood.
Hey you...the guy who always messes up the score....yeah you...NO, we are NOT going to stop the game again and try to remember all the made baskets so you can verify your completely random assertion that you are winning. And stop trying to include baskets you made 3 games ago. The score is 12-10. Everyone on the court but you knows it. Stop. Just stop.
Hey you...the guy who passes on the locker room and changes his clothes in the middle of the gym just so he can reserve your spot in the next game...yeah you, is it really that important? really?
Hey you...I don't care what the high school rule book says, any ball that hits your foot is a kick.
Hey you...my beloved teammate...how about letting me know when your 300 lb opponent decides to set a pick on me? No, I won't just "fight through it", are you crazy? And if you're going to just leave me to get a chiropractic adjustment, will you at least go ahead and cover my guy for me? I can't yell "switch" when I'm unconscious.
Hey you...I know that we don't technically call 3 seconds, but how about moving every now and then just so we can make sure you aren't dead?
Hey you....yeah you, Vlade Divac....there are no charges in pick-up basketball. There are NO CHARGES. Stop flinging yourself on the ground, you're going to hurt yourself and someone's going to trip on you.
Hey you, take off the baseball cap. No jeans. No skin-tight shorts. No headbands. No socks pulled up to the knee. Ridiculous.
Hey you...yeah you....just take your shirt off. Really, no one cares about your gut, we're all family here. "Shirts vs Skins" only works when we have total buy-in, get it?
Hey you...yeah you....your high school glory days are long gone....you are talking trash to a middle aged pastor....
Its time to calm down, we're not getting paid for this....
Wow. That was kind of fun : )
1 comment:
Shah, stop complaining! I have to play pickup ball in Thailand. First, why is everyone wearing either a Vince Carter jersey or an Allen Iverson jersey. Second, when we are shooting around, if I make a basket, you should feed me the ball to shoot again. Third, why am I the only guy who will post up? Fourth, in a pickup game you don't play a zone defense. Fifth, if you are playing a zone defense and no one is posting up, you don't play a 2-3 zone! There is no need for three men in the lane when everyone is on the outside.
Co
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